Wanted






We were talking. I can't remember what we were talking about. We may have been discussing the previous events of the night, but knowing us it was more likely one of three things: Life, stories from our pasts, or video games. Those tend to be the top three subjects of discussion between myself and Kamui.

It was Sunday, October thirteenth (Or, it was. It became Monday the fourteenth after midnight ) , the dead of the night. Probably around one or two in the morning. We had driven up one of the local mountains in our hometown to a secluded clearing. It was literally in the middle of nowhere, but the sky was perfectly clear with a thousand stars sparkling clearly in the night sky above us. We turned the jeep off so we wouldn't use up any gas or battery energy, so it was freezing. I didn't mind, though. I was having the most incredible night of my life, being with these two men and going through what we had that night.

I had never felt so involved, and so welcome as I did with those two. They included me in their adventures that they usually kept to themselves, or with other very close friends. I never felt that way with the one group of friends I've always had, the ones who always made me feel like I was intruding, or that they were giving me a gift of the gods by allowing me into their activities. And I had only known these two men a few months, while my 'friends' I had known for years.

I noticed then that it was quiet, and that Kamui and I had been the only ones talking. I looked over to the driver's seat.

"Andrew?" I called. Kamui looked over, smirking at what he saw.

"He's asleep." He said. I blinked, leaning forward and peeking over from the back seat to the muscular blonde, seeing that indeed he had fallen asleep. I couldn't resist a small pout. Even though I couldn't blame him for being tired after everything we'd been through that night, I was still disappointed. I had been flirting with the American soldier all night, hoping I might have been able to attract his attention. Or, at least, I had been trying to flirt with him. Not only had the insanity of the night caused a distraction from my goal of  getting to first base with Andrew, but my flirting had likely been so subtle he didn't pick up on it. I wouldn't have been surprised if the second option was the case, I was still ridiculously shy and new to the dating world. I had been on a grand whopping total of one date, and had one kiss in my tender seventeen years of life, and both had been provided by Kamui months earlier when we first met.

~

We had been introduced when summer was just beginning at the end of May by a mutual friend, my best friend at the time Sairbie. She was rather eager to introduce me to him, being that he was moderately popular and famous in our tiny little nothing town. I knew he had gone to my high school previously, and I had heard his name here and there around school and town. I will admit, I was curious to meet the 'infamous' Will H. We went to the coffee shop close to the comic book store, and saw several guys and a girl sitting at the outside tables. Introductions were made, and my eyes were on him the entire time. He was leaning back in his chair, underneath an umbrella table in a very casual, border-lining lazy position. He had very short red hair, a baseball cap on backwards and sunglasses on his face, keeping his eyes from being seen. He had very full lips, always seeming to have a continuous pout to them. He was seemingly covered in red freckles that went up and down his arms and on his face. He was tall, over six feet, and very skinny. I looked at his hands a lot, and I recall wondering how such large hands looked so out of place attached to such tiny wrists.  Although most of my attention was on his face. I was wondering if he would ever take those sunglasses off.

Sairbie and I sat down, and we all began talking about whatever came to our minds. I kept watching him, trying to decide an opinion on him. He was hard to read, so it was a difficult task. The topic of video games came up, and then Final Fantasy VII arose. I looked back and forth between the men with that.

"You like Final Fantasy VII?" I asked. So far nearly no one in my school was into gaming, and even less into RPG's except for my group of friends. The men looked at me, clearly amused.

"Well, yeah. Duh." One said. I looked at the one known as Will at that, leaning forward and giving him a very serious stare.

"Alright then... Who do you support, Cloud and Tifa, or Cloud and Aeris?" I asked with a dead-set tone.  This had always been a big deal for me, since all of my friends supported Cloud and Aeris, as did 90% of the internet fandoms. But I myself was a Cloud and Tifa supporter.

He looked at me, sitting up slightly, reaching up for his sunglasses and whipping them off dramatically. He gave me a dead-serious stare of his own, and I could see the intensity of his large brown eyes.

"Cloud and Tifa, hands down." He replied. I nearly jumped out of my chair, gesturing widely.

"THANK-YOU! Someone finally sees some sense!" I exclaimed. There was then an argument amongst all of us, he and I against everyone else on which pairing was better, all others being Cloud and Aeris supporters. The two of us teamed up immediately, both shooting out the valid points of Cloud and Tifa, and I couldn't stop grinning. He won me over immediately after that.

He was so charming and charismatic, I paid nearly no attention to anyone else in the group. Although I did find out the other girl with us was his girlfriend, both had clearly stated when the other wasn't around their relationship was pretty much over. I couldn't help being intrigued by him, never knowing anyone quite like him before. He was calm and cool, even when he was enthusiastic he had a very detached way about the way he spoke and acted. Even when he would go as far as shouting to show his excitement about something, he still seemed so controlled and collected. The other boys I'd known were all immature, bullies, or shy.

But he doesn't seem much like a boy at all. I thought. He's really more of a man.

I found out later he was only two years older than me, but it seemed like so much more. Especially since he was out of school as well, and I was just ending my second year of high school. He told me of the nickname he'd earned while at a convention, Kamui, named from a character in an anime in which he was constantly astounded by the fact that the character wore no pants. He had from then on been called 'Kamui the Pants God' by the other con-goers. He had attempted to maintain the nickname with his friends, but was unsuccessful since everyone already knew him as Will. Soon, Sairbie and I had to leave. We had exchanged email addresses and phone numbers so we could keep in touch. I stood up, putting my backpack on my back and looking to him.

"I hope things work out with you and your girlfriend." I said. He shrugged at that.

"I doubt it." He responded. At that, I did what I thought was the most daring thing I had ever done in my entire LIFE. I moved behind him, putting my hand on his shoulder.

"Well, if they don't, you have my number." Was all I said before walking away with Sairbie. I did everything within my power not to look back as well. She stared at me, slack-jawed and unable to comprehend what I had just done. I was sixteen, and the queen of low self-esteem, so that had been a huge deal for me. I had butterflies in my stomach for the next several minutes, wondering if I'd done something completely stupid.

Apparently, I didn't though. The two of us exchanged emails and phone calls for some time. I remember how pleased he sounded in his first email to me, which was a response to my first email to him. He was quite happy he'd finally gotten someone to call him 'Kamui', which is how I addressed him in the email. And since he had been introduced to me as 'Zephra', we have since never called each other anything else. (Well, not completely. He usually calls me 'Zeph' on most occasions. )

It wasn't long before he and his girlfriend broke up. As he told me this on the phone, there was enough of a long awkward pause before I couldn't take it anymore. I gathered up every ounce of courage I had in my body and asked him out on a date. In which, he agreed. I remember how excited I was that this was going to be my first date ever. My mother bought me a new shirt (extremely daring, it looked more like a sports bra with pretty ribbons ) And Sairbie came over to do my make-up for me. I was surprised to find that he took the initiative, since I was the one to ask him on a date. (I found out later Sairbie had dropped the ball on the fact that I'd never been on a date before. )  But, he came to pick me up, took me to his grandmother's house that he was house-sitting for. It ended up being the kind of first date I really wanted. We played video games, watched anime, and had steak dinners that he even cooked himself. And we talked constantly, about anything that came to our minds. We took a walk around the block, and interestingly enough, he held my hand on the walk. I couldn't help feeling the tiny rushes in my body at something as simple as holding hands.

Although things weren't quite as magical as I had hoped, nearing the end of the night it was still very light out, and we had found ourselves in a lull. Nothing to talk about and even less to do. I cursed myself, thinking it was somehow my fault that we had found ourselves in this awkwardness. I must be too boring. Were my main thoughts. He then gave me a ride home and, ironically, we had a lot more to talk about in the car. I remember when we got to my driveway, the two of us both getting out and saying our goodbyes right before the gate. I remember my heart pounding, wondering if I would get a kiss goodnight.

"I had a really great time tonight." I blurted out lamely. He chuckled at me, saying he did as well. I waited, not sure if I should try first or wait for him to. Oh screw it. I thought, leaning closer to him. I was happy when he leaned in as well, my stomach in a flurry at the thought of my first kiss.

Again, I wish I could say it was magical. Sadly, my lack of experience kept me from enjoying an open-mouth kiss as much as I wanted to. It felt so sloppy, even though no fluids really escaped our mouths. Soon it was over, we said our truly final 'goodnight's, and once I was behind the gate I took the opportunity to wipe my mouth. I was confused and disappointed, not only in the kiss but in myself.

We had a spark, I know we did... Why did it end up feeling like that? I thought miserably. The next day I called him, telling him I'd rather just be friends. He took it very well, which surprised and pleased me.

The days and weeks, and eventually months went by. And we became quite good friends, I found myself really enjoying the time we spent together. And he had no oppositions to introducing me to his own friends, one of them being Andrew. I was rather surprised to find all my friends already knew him. It turned out, one of his good friends was Jason, the older brother to the 'leader' of our group Christina, so they had crossed paths numerous times. And my friends either hated him or didn't like him at all. Not that it really mattered, I saw him often enough since we were more than once at Christina and Jason's house.

~

This leads us back to the night in October, with us noticing Andrew was asleep after I had been hoping to get somewhere with him that night. Kamui went into his pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and opening the jeep door.

"I'm gonna go for a smoke." He informed me as he got out. I sighed, sliding over to get out as well.

"I'll join you, I could use some air." I lied. I was freezing and would have much rather stayed inside the jeep, hoping Andrew would wake up soon. But to be totally honest, I didn't want to be alone at the moment and wanted to keep talking to Kamui. The two of us continued to talk about whatever came to our heads. I looked up at the sky, smiling at the beauty of the stars. I had never been this far out before, so they had never looked so clear to me. I then had a thought, then began to spin while staring at the sky. Kamui watched me, silent for a moment.

"... What are you doing?" He asked.

"Trying to see the Infinity." I replied while still spinning. He was clearly confused, so I explained.

"You know how when you looked at the stars, and you KNOW they go on forever, but they don't look like they do? They look like they DO have an ending somewhere, some giant ceiling above us in space? But, sometimes, usually when you're moving, you can look up in the sky and really, truly SEE the stars go on forever. There is no ending, no final place of the universe."

I stopped spinning then, looking at Kamui and smiling. "When you can see with your own naked eyes the universe goes on forever, that's what I call the Infinity." I finished. I remember the way he smiled... That cocky little smirk of his that either says everything he's thinking, or nothing at all.

After that, I don't quite remember what we were talking about. But I do remember feeling my heart race. I remember everything being so romantic... The night sky, the stars above us, being totally secluded (save for Andrew who was still asleep in the jeep ) and... whatever it was we were discussing. I remember the chills down my spine when we began to step closer to each other.

"...What are you thinking?" I remember him asking. I smiled, continuing to move closer.

"I'm thinking... I'm regretting saying I just wanted to be friends..." I answered, trying to fake being confident when the truth was I was a nervous wreck. We were pressing up against each other now, and Kamui said something else. I can't remember what, all I remember is him leaning into me again. I stood up on my toes, and we kissed. There was a spark I didn't think was possible, a rush of emotions and hormones flooding through my body. I had never felt better than I did in that moment up until then. I felt loved, desirable, and most of all, accepted. Wanted. Maybe even needed. Growing up the way I did, I hadn't really ever felt those things before... And I could definitely get used to it.

~