I'm jealous

Now for most people, this wouldn't mean much
If anything at all
But for me
It's a big deal
Since it's a new feeling

Because, y'see...
I've never been jealous
Like, ever
Maybe of little things
But nothing that matters at all

But now...
I feel jealousy
But not even of the things you'd think
Maybe for some, yes
But not for me
Since to me things feel different

I'm in love
And I hide it
Because, not only is he a deep friend
He has a girlfriend
Who loves him

But...
At night, when she's here
I hear them talking in the night
Even when they do nothing but talk
From the other side of the wall...
I feel rage

I feel anger
I feeel envy
I wish she would leave
Even though she's done nothing to deserve it
Even though I like her

It's not even when they're together in the day
When they're cutesy, and lovey-dovey
I'll tease them and yell 'get a room!'
It's only at night, and not even during itimacies
It's before and after, when all they're doing is talking
Then, I am furious and annoyed

I don't know why
Even when they are joined in body and soul, I've heard
And it doesn't bother me
I'll tease them when it's over
But...
I become jealous, when all they're doing is talking in the bedroom

One part of me believes 'they'll never last
Because they have nothing in commen
It's only a matter of time before one leaves the other
And then I may have a chance'
But... it's selfish, and unrealistic

Because I love him so much
And I can't help but wonder
'Is it him I love? Or perhaps what he represents?
Or what he makes me feel? Or maybe his current 'unattainableness?'
Or some combination thereof?

I really don't know, all I know is...
I love him
And he loves another
So, I will be supportive
And wait...
Because... y'never know, right?

_______

A poem I currently don't feel like uploading as a devination, just because
I might upload it later
But I don't feel like it now
But that may change...